I found an article in Itai News [in Japanese] that I spent the past week translating, just for fun.  It’s a bit of fluff that lists Japanese women’s list of the worst “unmanly qualities” they hate about Japanese men.

1.   He has no opinion, is just carried along by others.
2.   He always has someone to blame.
3.   He can never be decisive at the moment of truth.
4.   He’s always giving up (never puts in the work).
5.   He’s always relying on his parents somehow.
6.   He keeps quiet on the train even when he’s bunched up against some weirdo.
7.   Though he’s timid around other people, he only acts firm in front of me.
8.   He flip-flops around with what foods he likes and dislikes.
9.   He splits the cost of meals (with me) exactly, even in increments of ¥10.
10. He asks for favors.
11. He always whines about his work.
12. His nails are too long.
13. He does nothing but complain.
14. He checks his appearance in front of the mirror too much.
15. He uses toiletries (products) too much.
16. His body is frail and weak.

Want to know what Japanese men are like?  Imagine someone who embodies at least 10 out of 16 things in this list, and you have the typical Japanese guy.

I’m not going to go line-by-line, but I’ll give a few examples of what I observed based on advertisements, sitcoms, and train behavior.

Appearance expectations seem to be roughly equivalent when it comes to the business standard in Japan.  Men are expected to have flawless complexions and healthy flowing black hair just like the women, except that women are allowed to talk about it and possess big conspicuous boxes of products and makeup; men doing the same are “un-manly”.  (Source: TOYAMA Masao, Black Diamond in Monavie)

Train Behavior: I have never witnessed, not one single time in my 2 months there where I spent a good 2 hours on trains almost every single day including a few Tokyo rush hours, a single Japanese man or woman ever speaking up against “some weirdo”.   As if you can tell the “weirdos” apart from your typical late-40s salariman reading tentacle-porn anime ANYWAY.  NEXT!!!

Dependence on Parents: Something like 60% of Japanese men between the ages of 18 and 34 still live with their parents; about 80% of Japanese women in that age range fit that description.  Double-standard much?   (Source: Wikipedia article on “Parasite single” phenomenon in Japan)

Culture: Japanese men are not supposed to be decisive, or speak up, or have an opinion.  Guys who start having opinions rapidly find they don’t have a job.  (Source: anecdotal evidence, stories collected from pubs.)

Given all of this mental mindscrewing inflicted by Japanese culture on its own inhabitants, it’s no wonder they have problems with people jumping onto the tracks.  And it’s both telling and amusing that when these events get reported, they say things like “man jumps in front of train, inconveniences 90,000 commuters”.

The question on my mind is this:  do these suicidals pre-meditate their jumps so as to leave this world committing one final, massively heinous social crime in Japanese culture — Causing Inconvenience?  If so, that’s hilarious.

I feel an Alan Watts marathon coming on.

Technorati Tags: alan watts, fluff, japan, japanese, monavie, subways, tokyo

Apparently the best statement they could get out of her as to why she chose Japan to start her relationship-building activities around was, “Because Japan is such an important country. And our relationship with Japan is one of the most essential in the world.”

Ahahaha, cute.  I am thoroughly amused by our new Secretary of State’s great ability to spread her arms wide and make Absolutely Meaningless Neutral Statements.

Technorati Tags: hilary clinton, japan, meiji jingu

I hate to say it, but I wish I’d spent 12 hours playing Fallout 3 and then the next day hung out there.  Now that would have been a head trip.  Of course, it would have come at the cost of forfeiting a whole day of enjoying Japan… but the freak in me would have found it a worthy sacrifice.

Go check out some kickass pictures.  Right on.

Technorati Tags: fallout 3, hiroshima, japan

However, the use of white flour, the main ingredient in the batter of one of these savory pancakes, strikes me as an unnecessary evil, a pain in the gut I could do without.  Besides, why not turn a taste craving into an opportunity for dietary enhancement?  Not to mention make a few advancements in the field of gluten-free cookery.

Thus I have spent several hours over the past 2 weeks in pursuit of a savory pancake batter based on a healthy, unrefined, preferably glutenless grain, which could be used in the same fashion as a traditional okonomiyaki batter.  After many abortive attempts involving pure rice pancakes that wouldn’t stick and oat flour pancakes that wouldn’t flip, I am pleased to report that I’ve invented a whole-grain, multi-grain batter that performs perfectly for okonomiyaki, tastes wonderful, and…

It’s purple.

My long-winded recipe for making Murasaki Okonomiyaki . . .

Ingredients for the batter:

• 1/2 cup black rice (aka forbidden rice)
• 1/2 cup red rice
• 1/4 cup flax seeds (whole)
• 2-3 Tb sesame seeds, finely ground
• 1/4 Tb nice salt (e.g. himalayan, celtic, etc)

For the filling:

• 1 egg
• leafy greens of any kind
• ginger, pickled or fresh (pickled is very authentic-tasting)
• anything else you like!  Japanese are fond of having bits of squid in theirs.

(WARNING: You need to start at least 12 hours in advance, because the first step is to soak the rice for that long.)

In a large sealable container of some kind, put all of the rice.  There should be enough room in this container for the rice to fill only halfway, because the next thing you need to do is add water to the rice in this container until it is nearly full.  Give it a good stir, and then leave it to soak for at least 12 hours.

Has it been soaking a good long time?  The water atop the rice should now be a dark misty purple, and the rice grains themselves should appear to take up much more volume in the container — they’ve soaked up quite a bit of water.

Hold a sieve over the sink and pour the water and rice out into it.  Casually rinse the rice and then dump it back into the container.  Fill the container with water again, quite a bit less than last time — most likely about 1.5 cups, though I can’t really say exactly.

Put the rice and water into a high-speed blender.  (I use a Vitamix and you should too!)  Blend it all up to a fine paste with a viscosity about the same as crepe batter.  If it seems too thick, just add more water.  Transfer this mixture back into the container.

Next, stir in the flax seeds.

Now the mixture needs to rest at least 20 minutes, because the flax seeds are going to take up water and then put out a sticky substance — this is what will hold the pancake together.

When you next see the mixture, you’ll have to make a judgement call about the thickness of the batter.  It should have thickened from “crepe batter” to “pancake batter”, or somewhere in between.  This is what the ground sesame seeds are for — to add dry bulk if needed.  You could also add ground flax seeds, or ground buckwheat, or maybe oat flour.  I like sesame seeds for the calcium and iron content, and because they don’t have gluey proteins (like oats) or volatile oils (like flax) that might chemically change the operational characteristics of the pancakes.

Take a look at the pictures to get a sense of how the batter ought to look.

Now you are ready to cook.  Take the nonstickiest pan you can find (I’m using a teflex frying pan) and put the droppiest drop of oil in there.  Sesame oil and peanut oil are both good choices for taste and for withstanding heat.  Trust me, you won’t need much of it, and if you use too much, you’ll end up with more of a crispy deep-fried-rice thing rather than a healthy spongey pancake.

Turn the stove to a LOW heat — not super low, but pretty low — and let the pan warm for about a minute.  Then, depending on the size of the pancake you want, spread the batter into the pan to about a 1/4-inch thickness.

A word about thickness: you will see for yourself what happens when the batter is spread either too thin or too thick.  Unlike traditional okonomiyaki, you can’t really get away with a super-thin batter — it’ll fall apart.  And if too thick, it’ll be pretty hard to flip, and it won’t ever achieve a chewy pancake consistency, having lots of goo in the center.  But maybe you like goo, I don’t know!  Just saying.

As the batter sets, start filling in whatever fillings you want.  This is “as you like it” after all!  The okonomiyaki in my pictures is filled with rainbow chard, green onions, and a few shreds of pickled ginger, all chopped coarsely.

Next, crack an egg into the middle of all of this.  I tend to just use the whites and save the egg yolk for later. Mmm, raw egg yolk.  But traditionally, you would put the yolk in, too.  Drag the egg around so that it covers all of the veggies.

Let the veggies set into the egg — about 2-3 minutes worth of cooking.

Now you need to seal the topside of the okonomiyaki by dropping globs of batter all over it.  Try to achieve the same 1/4-inch thickness.  Take a look at the picture in the collage to see what it should look like.

When you are satisfied with the batter coverage, and when the bottom layer comes away from the pan quite easily (it should be nearly crispy), take a wide spatula and FLIP that bitch.

With the right proportions of batter, the flipping shouldn’t be a problem.  Should you find it too heavy and seeming like it’s going to bust apart if you lift it, a good trick is to find another frying pan and then dump it from one pan to the other.  Then resolve for next time not to use so much batter!

On the other side it’ll need at least 6 to 8 minutes to cook.  The insides will get all soft and mushy, held together by the egg.

That’s it — now you have a very savory, possibly purple pancake, suitable for covering with okonomi sauce and mayonnaise just like they do it in Japan.

Extra credit if you have bonito flakes and aonori to top it with!  I used kim chee, hijiki, and more green onions, with my reserved egg yolk on the side.

YOM!

Technorati Tags: japan, okonomiyaki, purple pancake, recipe

Hrm.  At least they have wifi.

The co-owner of the shop remembered I had been in Japan and asked me how my matcha latte was, which I had taken about 2 sips of by that point.  I said, “it’s pretty good…”  Then I realized I’m in America again, and my subtle intimation of “bleh” doesn’t really hit home the way it does in Japan.  “It’s a bit too sweet for my tastes, actually.”  It was honestly like drinking gummy heated ice cream sweetened with corn syrup, which I’m guessing is exactly what the mix is.

So the lady proceeds to show me a little can of matcha with no sweetener, which she says she and the staff drink.  It’s from Japan, in fact.  SOUSENCHA, it says on the label in hiragana.  She says the can is expired so she can’t sell it to customers.  Wait… so you have this stuff and you drink it, but you’re not going to update your supply and sell it…?

It frustrates me that what’s on offer to buy at cafes is basically candy, and if you want something different, you have to finagle for it or do without.

International travel has definitely heightened my awareness of the state of the American food supply with respect to demand.  Case in point: the difference between the American and Japanese palates when it comes to junk food.  Japanese can’t get enough salt; Americans love to load up on sugar.

In Japan, a “matcha latte” is a slightly bitter (like tea), slightly grainy (like powder) sort of affair.  Starbucks serves them kinda sweet, but Tully’s makes a version with little to no added sugar, which is delicious.  The soy milk in Japan is unsweetened and also actually tastes like soy, which is a pleasant flavor, not an “off” taste as the Western palate so frequently condemns it.  Whatever soy milk they’re using there, it’s not a brand I’ve ever seen in the U.S.

Furthermore, Japanese people don’t seem to go to cafes with the intention of drinking something.  Rather, they’re there to meet someone and talk for a while, or rest between shopping sprees, or possibly have a private English lesson (quite a popular activity).  If they have to order a beverage to sit down, so be it.  They mostly order the smallest, cheapest beverage they can, and then hog a table for an hour.

Cafes are almost always crowded and busy in Tokyo, Fujisawa, Matsumoto, Kyoto, and lots of other cities, so I don’t think going to a cafe is a “treat” for the Japanese.  I had two interviews in cafes — they are like cheap offices.  The coffee is universally bad (except in certain boutique cafes that are hard to find), and everybody orders it regardless.  It seems to me that Japanese cafes have no real impetus for becoming “hot ice cream” shops.

I’m not sure there’s anything I can do with this information other than write about it.  So, I guess, NYAH.

Damn, I just realized I didn’t fill up my Tully’s POINTO-CAADO (points card).  I have stamps on that thing from Matsumoto, Kofu, Nara, Kyoto, and Tokyo.  (Go me.)

Technorati Tags: america, cafe, culture, japan, matcha latte, sugar

I’ve discovered the secret to the taste of okonomiyaki, and it’s of course unimpressive and icky.  Basically, take any egg-and-starch combination you like (rice, flour, etc), and then smother it in mayonnaise and this peculiar soy-and-veggie-based dressing from Kagome.  Voila, that’s the taste.  You’ll swear you’re in Ueno Park or Osaka or wherever.

You could add some fish flakes (bonito) for real authenticity, but it’s not really necessary.  As for the cabbage inside, can you actually taste it when you’re eating okonomiyaki?  My guess is the answer is “no” — it’s all about the Kagome and mayo.

That said… I do like okonomiyaki.  It’s one of the few flour-based concoctions I will deign to eat here, because the total mass of flour used is relatively low, due to the vegetable and egg content.  Plus, the egg itself is very delicately added — not homogenously beaten-in as in American pancakes — which results in a layered-texture food.

So far, the best okonomiyaki I’ve had was at Ueno Park in Tokyo, right in front of the main shrine next to the water.  There’s a guy there slinging these things, looks like he’s been doing it the same way for 30 years, total assembly-line processes executed in a deliberate, zen-like fashion.  Occasionally sloppy but strangely accurate in portion control, nonetheless.

I stood in a line with about 20 other people, all of us united both in our hunger and in our wonderment at this man who could seemingly ignore the line-up of hungry masses desperate to give him their 200 yen, staying massively focused on his vocation, and lackadaisically answering his mobile at the same time.  Even the phone-inured Japanese in line with me were amused.

That okonomiyaki was greedily consumed along with a can of African Fire, the vending machine coffee that is allegedly “lightly sweetened” but is still way too sweet.  The perfect combination of too-sweet and too-salty, with a heavy dose of umami, very Japanese.  Quite enjoyable on that late November afternoon in the park.

This blog post was brought you by KIRIN FIRE CANNED COFFEE BEVERAGES.

Technorati Tags: canned coffee, japan, okonomiyaki, street food

ASA-BANANA diet indeed.

I have a lot of blogging to catch up on.  I’ve actually been writing, but my internet access has been shoddy.  Numerous times I have felt lucky just to have electricity to keep my camera and laptop powered.

Life has been simultaneously difficult and rewarding.  It’s that “character-building” stuff they always talk about in American upper- and middle-class families but can’t actually provide.  What kind of life, you wonder — yes, that’s exactly what I need to catch up on posting.

Anyway, expect a slew of back-dated blog posts to show up today.  My fingers aren’t frozen, and the Wifi feels streamy today.

Technorati Tags: japan, meta

Kissaten-de, resuturan-de, nandemonai.  It’s all gross, and never not gross, and never in the same way twice.  I hated the coffee in Puerto Rico, but they consistently made it a certain super-strong way that had to be served with milk and sugar, and I could chalk that up to the taste preference of a different culture.

No, the “consistently the worst coffee” designation belongs to a country that stabs around wildly at coffee and espresso-brewing, having no concept whatsoever of how to produce a drinkable cup.  I had a few lattes around Shibuya that were mostly burnt in their espresso content and unbelievably hot — in one case leaving the [soy] milk utterly flat, it was so over-steamed.

In an upscale-seeming mall cafe, I was served a “cappucino” that was probably the same swill they pump out at Tim Horton’s — a powdered milk-based coffee-extract concoction jam packed with sugar.

To make something good, you have to know what good is, or at least have some idea — an ideal to uphold.  The Japanese have NO IDEA about coffee.

The ideal of coffee in Japan is simply to HAVE coffee, and to present it in a certain way.  The actual content seems, to the Japanese, completely irrelevant.

Now, TEA in this city, on the other hand… that’s another story.

Basically, if you want to give up coffee, come to Japan for a week.  If the crapfully crapful cuppa you keep getting served doesn’t get you, the $5 to $7 price tag will.

Technorati Tags: coffee, image, japan, rhetoric, tea, tokyo

Narita express tickets took us expediently to Shinagawa station.  On the train I sent my American phone a voicemail and a text message from my new keitai denwa rental, and suddenly experienced the kind of far-from-home feeling I didn’t really get in Australia.

Very little English is spoken here — it’s quite challenging.  (I love it.)  I had heard that before, that fewer people “than you would expect” speak English, but I’ve been pleased to find this the case.

Technorati Tags: japan, shinagawa