Fundal Blooms

One thing I’ve liked about pregnancy is the way it’s taught me to see myself as a Whole Body, rather than an Identity-and-Meat. This is something I thought I already got, but I didn’t realize how far afield of it I really was.

An Identity forms a concept first, and seeks to mold the Meat to that concept, or at least to hold Meat up to the standards of that concept. An Identity can’t be content with the Meat’s reactions and adaptations to its conditions unless the two are in perfect alignment — which can never happen, as Identity and Meat, as separate entities, constantly shift and change at different rates.

A Whole Body is subject to and (most importantly) accepting of the forces within it that are responding to the forces outside of it. A Whole Body realizes the purposes it’s fulfilling and their context in the grander scheme, and forms a concept of itself on those parameters — not the other way around.

That may not sound all too positive — who wants to feel like they’re being led around by the whims of genetics and biochemistry? But it’s not as simple as that.

In fact, I find it rather liberating. Some things are going to happen with your body no matter how you may think your Identity matches or doesn’t match up to it. Pregnancy just puts a huge, bright spotlight on this reality whilst it knocks you on your ass and flips your brain inside out.

In the past, and like countless others in this culture, my self-talk has often been critical of perceived substandard Meaty qualities. These days, I am apt to look at myself in the mirror and perhaps giggle at some of the changes I’ve undergone (yes, even the varicose veins) while realizing that I am physically becoming a reflection of a lovely purpose.

Well. On to the real topic of this blog post.

My Fundus

According to the midwife I saw at St Luke’s before I got my Rhogam shot at the beginning of the week and the homebirth midwife I saw toward the end of this week, my belly is indeed on the smaller side (33 inches or so)… AND my fundus is growing underneath my ribs.

Yes! It certainly is! I don’t know that I’ve ever had more upright, brigadier-general-like posture in my entire life.

The baby made a bruise under my ribs a couple of weeks ago. This seems not to have healed entirely, but instead has continued to be abused by the encroachment of the fundus and the roving kicks of a growing boy.

Sleep for the past 2 weeks has been extremely difficult, as I need to maintain that elongation in my torso to keep my fundus from choking its own blood supply and going numb like a big squashed muscle would reasonably be expected to do.

So between the bruise and the pins-and-needles, AND the night-time itching, AND the fact that I can’t sleep on one side for longer than an hour… it looks like the next few weeks of pregnancy are going to make all these previous months look like swimming the backstroke.

I am very much looking forward to going into labor.

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